Tuesday, May 15, 2007

False Naivete

I realize there is a lot in these posts to suggest I've never ventured beyond missionary position, but that wouldn't exactly be true. I haven't had a threesome, and I haven't done any of the things that X and I talked about. That said, when I was much younger (somewhere between college and grad school), I worked as a professional dominatrix, but I was the dominatrix and there was no fucking or sucking. The little worms were there to please me, not the other way around, and that's what they paid me for--to be humilated and offer me pleasure.

My then-husband was a freak who tried to turn me into a submissive. I had no problem with being a submissive because I'm basically lazy, and truth be told, being a dom is a whole lot of work. It's like dancing. It's a lot tougher if you have to lead; moreover, your dance partner has to cooperate and let you lead. Being a dom is no easy task. You can't just grap a crop or whip and expect the submissive to do what you want; you have to make them want it. My then-husband was a dramatic, failure of a dominant, so I started doing it professionally as revenge. It wasn't that I minded being submissive, it's that I minded being submissive to him.

But yet the agreement I'm entering into with X is that of the submissive. He basically wants a moderate (?) version of The Story of O. Though I'm very into some of the ideas he comes up with, I do realize he doesn't entirely understand the mind of a submissive, and there are times I want to say, "Do you want me to show you how to do this?" For example, we had decided on the hotel thing, which has already gone through a few changes. Then today he wanted to first start by me getting in a car with someone who was to fondle my tits and finger fuck me, then I would be given instructions to do something else, of which I had no knowledge.

I emailed him back and basically said. "You can't do that. You can't play switch up with a new submissive. You have to earn their trust first." I tried to do it in a way that didn't undermine his domination, but I'm not sure if I succeeded.

On a side note, I got outed at the bar today. X and I didn't know each others' names, and we intended to keep it that way. Evidently someone at the bar wanted to know who I was and made the bartender go through the receipts. Like a fool, I paid with plastic. Someone saw us talking outside the bar after we left, and today, when he went in, someone asked him, "How is Mercedes?" He thought I had told someone my name, and I said no and that I was very freaked out about being outed.

1 comment:

Autumn Seave said...

Fabulous blog Mercedes - I'm curious to see how things will progress with Mr. X.

And I know what you mean about your ex. Mine thought he could Dom me too and couldn't. He just couldn't get the Dom mind thing straight in his own head. It's about having responsibility for someone else's pleasure, not just taking pleasure.