The Boyfriend

I've just spent the last 24 hours with the boyfriend, and we had such an excellent time, the feelings of guilt came up again. The what am I doing thing??? Planning a threesome with a total stranger and a relative stranger that's supposed to happen next week. X would like it to happen this week, but it is not a good time of the month.

Meanwhile, X was emailing me wondering where I was and called me at the boyfriend's. I didn't hear my cellphone, though, so I didn't answer it.

Guilt or not, the idea still makes me hot, hot, hot...

False Naivete

I realize there is a lot in these posts to suggest I've never ventured beyond missionary position, but that wouldn't exactly be true. I haven't had a threesome, and I haven't done any of the things that X and I talked about. That said, when I was much younger (somewhere between college and grad school), I worked as a professional dominatrix, but I was the dominatrix and there was no fucking or sucking. The little worms were there to please me, not the other way around, and that's what they paid me for--to be humilated and offer me pleasure.

My then-husband was a freak who tried to turn me into a submissive. I had no problem with being a submissive because I'm basically lazy, and truth be told, being a dom is a whole lot of work. It's like dancing. It's a lot tougher if you have to lead; moreover, your dance partner has to cooperate and let you lead. Being a dom is no easy task. You can't just grap a crop or whip and expect the submissive to do what you want; you have to make them want it. My then-husband was a dramatic, failure of a dominant, so I started doing it professionally as revenge. It wasn't that I minded being submissive, it's that I minded being submissive to him.

But yet the agreement I'm entering into with X is that of the submissive. He basically wants a moderate (?) version of The Story of O. Though I'm very into some of the ideas he comes up with, I do realize he doesn't entirely understand the mind of a submissive, and there are times I want to say, "Do you want me to show you how to do this?" For example, we had decided on the hotel thing, which has already gone through a few changes. Then today he wanted to first start by me getting in a car with someone who was to fondle my tits and finger fuck me, then I would be given instructions to do something else, of which I had no knowledge.

I emailed him back and basically said. "You can't do that. You can't play switch up with a new submissive. You have to earn their trust first." I tried to do it in a way that didn't undermine his domination, but I'm not sure if I succeeded.

On a side note, I got outed at the bar today. X and I didn't know each others' names, and we intended to keep it that way. Evidently someone at the bar wanted to know who I was and made the bartender go through the receipts. Like a fool, I paid with plastic. Someone saw us talking outside the bar after we left, and today, when he went in, someone asked him, "How is Mercedes?" He thought I had told someone my name, and I said no and that I was very freaked out about being outed.

Girl with Vibrator

X wanted to know what filthy acts I'd committed in the past. I told him that once, at a party, I'd let a woman tie me up and get me off with a vibrator. While she had me tied up, several people used their hands on me, too, rubbing my clit and finger fucking me as at least twenty people watched on. Another time I fucked someone in a car on 157th Street in Manhattan. It was early morning and light, and though there weren't many people on the street, anyone who was could easily see us, me with my dress up and Y pumping me good. Those were the only two things I told him.

He likes that I've got an exhibitionist streak. He wants to take me to a bar, dressed trampy, and have me flash some cunt and tit but with no intention. Do it like it is an accident.

I am hot to go through with our plan for next week. So far, the details are as follows: I will wait in the hotel room, nude, except for thigh highs and heels, legs apart, waiting for his friend to come use me. X will be waiting at the bar. He'll have a drink and then come up. He wants me to be loud when I'm fucking his friend, so that when he walks down the hallway, he can hear me. When he fucks me, he just wants me to talk filthy. We haven't gotten any further than that in the planning, but then, maybe we won't plan any more than that.

Threesome Dreams

X and I have been emailing as usual, but now it is different because we have actually seen each other. He is quite handsome but clearly deviant. His fantasy is to whore me out. My fantasy is to experience a threesome, but the idea of being whored out is hot as well. (It occurs to me that I wouldn't mind making a living that way, but perhaps that's a business for the twenty-somethings.) At any rate, our fantasies can easily work together. He will pick the man or men I will be with in my threesome, fulfilling his fantasy of whoring me out and my fantasy of a threesome.

We are now working on the details of exactly how things will work. Will I be with two men and then him afterward? Or one man and then he will join. And I don't know exactly where X will be when I'm having sex with the other man/men. I get the feeling he doesn't want to watch, but still wants me to tell him every detail while he's fucking me.

I just got another email from X. He wants me to fuck his friend, just one-on-one, and then X wants to come in to complete the threesome.

Meeting Mr. X

So I went to the divish bar near the commuter railroad station and saw Mr. X immediately upon entering. He was sitting at the first table wearing a suit, doing paper work. I knew immediately who he was. I sat at the bar and had a Chardonnay. In truth, I didn't stay long. I didn't think I was supposed to, so I finished the wine and left.

X called me as soon as I got home and said he didn't even have a chance to make eye contact, so I told him I'd go back since it wasn't far from my house. The next time we made eye contact, but other guys in the bar were hitting on me and buying me drinks. Still, we had a couple of glipses and eye to eye contact. I couldn't help but smile because it was so delicious.

When I left, the second time, he was on the sidewalk and came to my car to talk. He evidently liked what he saw, and we chatted. He said he had a deviant mind. No shit. But we admitted it had been fun in the bar, and I told him I had been hesitant to meet him because the email exhanges had been so fun and sexy, I hated to lose that if everything else went wrong. Evidently they didn't. He said, "I'll shoot you an email tomorrow." I said, "That sounds so dirty, and he laughed.

Rendez Vous with Stranger

I don't have much time to write, so I will just quickly say that I am going to meet X at 7pm at a local bar, a bit of a dive actually, by the commuter train station.

We are not going to speak. We're just going to look at each other and if we like what we see or feel attraction, then we'll get together for sex with no conversation.

I have to say, this is terribly nerve-wracking. What if he isn't interested in me? If I'm not interested in him, that's different, but I'd hate to be rejected concerning this sort of thing. He is younger than I, and he knows it, but still...