False Naivete

I realize there is a lot in these posts to suggest I've never ventured beyond missionary position, but that wouldn't exactly be true. I haven't had a threesome, and I haven't done any of the things that X and I talked about. That said, when I was much younger (somewhere between college and grad school), I worked as a professional dominatrix, but I was the dominatrix and there was no fucking or sucking. The little worms were there to please me, not the other way around, and that's what they paid me for--to be humilated and offer me pleasure.

My then-husband was a freak who tried to turn me into a submissive. I had no problem with being a submissive because I'm basically lazy, and truth be told, being a dom is a whole lot of work. It's like dancing. It's a lot tougher if you have to lead; moreover, your dance partner has to cooperate and let you lead. Being a dom is no easy task. You can't just grap a crop or whip and expect the submissive to do what you want; you have to make them want it. My then-husband was a dramatic, failure of a dominant, so I started doing it professionally as revenge. It wasn't that I minded being submissive, it's that I minded being submissive to him.

But yet the agreement I'm entering into with X is that of the submissive. He basically wants a moderate (?) version of The Story of O. Though I'm very into some of the ideas he comes up with, I do realize he doesn't entirely understand the mind of a submissive, and there are times I want to say, "Do you want me to show you how to do this?" For example, we had decided on the hotel thing, which has already gone through a few changes. Then today he wanted to first start by me getting in a car with someone who was to fondle my tits and finger fuck me, then I would be given instructions to do something else, of which I had no knowledge.

I emailed him back and basically said. "You can't do that. You can't play switch up with a new submissive. You have to earn their trust first." I tried to do it in a way that didn't undermine his domination, but I'm not sure if I succeeded.

On a side note, I got outed at the bar today. X and I didn't know each others' names, and we intended to keep it that way. Evidently someone at the bar wanted to know who I was and made the bartender go through the receipts. Like a fool, I paid with plastic. Someone saw us talking outside the bar after we left, and today, when he went in, someone asked him, "How is Mercedes?" He thought I had told someone my name, and I said no and that I was very freaked out about being outed.